I'm sorry for not posting for sooooooo long, but much has happened in my life since my last journal up date.

I thought that I was going to start a relationship with someone but It didn't happen. Here's what happened, i met this guy at my friends birthday party. At first i thought he was a loser, but after the party I spent some alone time with him and we talked and we got into a deep conversation and then I asked him if i can kiss him, and we kissed. The next day he was the only thing on my mind and I got to hang out with him and stuff, but what ended up happening was, he told me that he was in love with my friend, and that he plans to ask her out! I was holding him while he told me this and I was thinking, "why is he trying to get with me, if he wants to be with my friend?" and shortly after he told me that I told him that this relationship wouldn't work. After this I was depressed for a long time, I still wanted to be with him (online, he doesn't have a phone), and a week later we ended up talking again, he told me that my friend was harsh to him and rejected him. I felt sorry for him so I tried to comfort him, and then he lied and told me that he can't talk to me anymore because he's going to get ready for a date with his 'new boyfriend'. A few days later, he messaged me telling me that he lied about his 'new boyfriend', and said that he doesn't have one and he said that because he doesn't want me to get hurt by him.
So, after that we started talking again, and i thought that he could be a new potential boyfriend...but every time I would message him he didn't even try to get to know me, he would just talk about how he wants me to be his 'first'. (technically, I wouldn't be his first if i had sex with him.)I felt like he only wanted to get in my pants, so I told him that i don't want to be with him anymore, I made up a dumb excuse saying that we live too far apart. I guess I gave him false hope that one day it could work out. So the next day i found a message by him, and he wrote that he went over to his ex-boyfriend's house because he needed someone to cheer him up and he got rapped by him (again), if that's true then he's a dumb-ass, why would anyone go see someone that rapped them alone. I had a strong feeling that he was lying to make me feel bad, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and I tried to be there for him, but i stopped talking to him for a while after that, I fell into a horrible depression after that for days...I cried thinking, "what kind of person lies like that?" after I got better I talked to him only as a friend. Something happened though, a few days ago he got rejected by this girl that i don't know (I think he was trying to be with her while we were together), again I felt sorry for him and I messaged him, asking him if he was okay. He told me things like, I was thinking of you. Then I wrote him, "so you're thinking of me when you get rejected by someone else?". Then he wrote me saying he was thinking about how I kissed him and held his hand that one day, and that the girl that he was trying to get with "never cared about him," apparently I did. I got fed-up with his bull shit and I told him that I don't have feelings like that for him anymore. Then he said that he knew that. And I said, " No you didn't, because if you did knew you wouldn't have messaged me this, and I'm not going to be used by you to get over someone that doesn't like you." and that's how it went down!
later on I checked his status on his profile (just to see if he's miserable like me) and it looks like he still wants to be with her, even though he just tried to be with me! I feel used, and a little bitter about him right now.


Anyways, I'm sorry for not posting art, I've been Busy with school and shit, I'll try to post soon, I love you guys, bye :]